


AU

by using_this_name



Series: Crackity Crack [17]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Pirates, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Crack, Drabble, Humor, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Meta, Profound Bond, Sam's Magical Killing Penis, Terrible Nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:04:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/using_this_name/pseuds/using_this_name
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This will probably get a little meta. But it also has terrible musical-related puns, so...</p>
            </blockquote>





	AU

**Dean:** Oooo!  I wanna be a pirate!

**Cas:** Can I be the hooker they pick up in Tortuga?

…

**Sam:** Nope. Think of something else, ‘cause I refuse to be a cabin boy again.

**Gabriel:** Aww, why not, Samalot? You could always be the shy maiden they captured last time they…

**Sam:** No. Just because I seem to always bottom in these things, you guys seem to think I’m the girl here. If anything, Dean should be the maiden. Have you seen his eyelashes?

**Gabriel:** That is true….

**Dean:**  You know, I’m not feeling pirates. Why don’t we do the tried and true Sam-is-a-lawyer, I’m-a-mechanic?

**Cas:** What would Gabriel and I do?

**Gabriel:** We’d have a bakery. We always have a bakery.

**Cas:** I can’t bake.

**Gabriel:** Also, that is really boring. I wanna be a prince trapped in a castle. That way, Sam of la Mancha here can rescue me like a manly man.

**Sam:** I’m down. Does that mean I can top?

**Gabriel:** Of course you can, Fiddler on the Sam!

**Castiel:** Gabriel, why are your fingers crossed behind your back?

**Gabriel:** Dad damn it, Cas!

**Sam:** That’s it!  We are doing a slave AU, where I own all of you and you ALL BOTTOM!

**Dean:** Aww, don’t be like that, Sunday in the Sam with George…

**Sam:** Et tu, Dean? Stop with the stupid names!

**Cas:** Who is George?

**Gabriel:** Um. Washington. George Washington. You’ve always had a thing for him, haven’t you, Seventeen Seventy-Sam?

**Cas:**  We are doing historical AU? Oh good. I love wearing corsets!

….

**Dean:** On second thought, that’s a totally different genre. Why don’t we do superheroes? That should make everyone happy. I get Batman!!!

**Sam:** And what? You want me to be Robin?

**Dean:** Nah, Sam’s Back-Side Story, you can be the Joker. You both have dumb hair.

**Gabriel:** That one was a bit forced.

**Dean:** Yeah, but I like Sam’s backside. I wanted to work it in. Or work in it…

**Sam:** Guys!  Focus! Also, I refuse to be the Joker.  Though Heath Ledger was really hot before he died…

**Castiel:** Yes he was. Perhaps if you had not slept with him, Sam, he would be around today to tie me to a…

**Dean:** YOU DID WHAT NOW?

**Sam:** It was a long time ago. We were doing that job on the movie set…

**Dean:** Oh my god! You killed Heath Ledger!

**Sam:** I didn’t kill him! I sleep with all of you, don’t I? And you aren’t dead!

**Cas:** That is because the four of us have a profound…

**Gabriel:** Oh, for the love of Dad! Cas, you only say that to get in their pants!

**Cas:** Oh yeah.

**Gabriel:** Now that we have decided that The Sound of Sammy did not kill Heath Ledger…

**Dean:** *glares at Sam*

**Gabriel:** …Let’s get back to superheroes. I, of course, will be the Joker. But, you know, hot. Cas, you can be Robin…

**Cas:** Yay!  I’ll get the gimp suit!

…

**Gabriel:** Of course you will. And A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Sammy here can be Catwoman. You get to wear leather and use a whip.

**Sam:** And keep my junk?

**Gabriel:** And keep your junk, My Fair Sammy.

**Sam:** Alright then. Let’s do this!

**Gabriel:** *smugly* And that, my friends, is How to Succeed in Sammy Without Really Trying.

**Dean:**  Yeah, yeah.

**Gabriel:** Now, Kiss Me, Sam!


End file.
